From her diary.

28th April 2009

I'm getting used to your absence. Though I don't want to, it just crept to me like blood rushing through my veins. It's not your fault, not mine either. I guess no one can halt the inevitable. I just have one fear -- I fear of one day realizing you're no longer my first thought in the morning. Then it was all for nothing. But like I've said, it's inevitable. We just have to wait till the longing comes back through my veins.

Pathetic.

When you cry and I look at you, I feel pity. Not because you've been balefully abused, but because you have let yourself be abused. And that's something I would never allow myself to get into.

Little j no more.

The princess has grown, once upon a time. She now knows that no one can beat time, so every thing will just run out before she can even grab it. She has found out that she, too, is fragile like everyone else and at some point, she'll feel broken - and it's gonna hurt her like hell. She understands now that not everyone will be please with the choices she'll make, but she's going to pursue it anyway. And most importantly, she discovered that following her heart may lead to scary beginnings, yet in the long run, turns into a happy ending.

I am a rose.

I am a rose, for which you cannot see.

Entrenched within me are thorns for which you cannot lay a hand on.

Only a man brave enough to reach past my thorns will ever see the rose contained in me. 

Stranded.

Frown, princess. It's okay.

And I just couldn't bring myself to smile anymore. Go ahead, laugh at me. You can't expect me to feel good every time. I'm allowed to let go and be exhausted of this make-believe reality.

White Horse - Taylor Swift Music Code

High school.

Angel: You had your shot and you blew it. If you love her, man up and tell her. Otherwise, she'll fall for your bestfriend.

Xed: (walks away)

No matter what.

The hardest part in loving someone is when you can only view the person you love from a distance, and not being able to hold his hand, embrace him tight, and tell him how much he means to you.

Mother - a word that means the world to me.

mommy

Our love for you is built on a million little moments we've shared.
Thank you for the hugs that make us feel loved.

Thank you for who we are.

There's no other love like your love for us.

We love you.

Will you still love me in the morning?

I cried myself to sleep last night.

For once I thought it'll never end. I haven't cried in a long while and last night I finally found an incentive to force it all out. I never thought I'd cry for this reason. For every tear cascading down my cheeks is a trace of pain like no other. Yet no matter how the stabbing pain hurts, I feel no remorse for liberating my sentiments because along with the tears come images of past nightmares I haven't given a cry for. It was about time to free myself from the sorrows I've been piling in for a while. I was deprived of this emotion for ages and last night, my uncried tears poured like eternal waterfalls. Now I can breathe easy for never again will I sleep with wet pillows thrust beneath my face.

A fairytale gone.

For one moment, my heart stopped beating for the one person that's been keeping it alive. It hurts to remember every little detail, but it's much harder to try to put everything in oblivion. I cannot go on wearing this mask of pretensions - for though my facade smiles, my spirit is weary. My mind wanders in the open but my heart knows exactly where to nestle. One day, i know our worlds will collide. It may be gone for now, but it still exists for you and I.

Never Been Kissed

That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that that person is the only person you're suppose to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time. ~Jossie Geller (1999)

Blindfolded

Taking a step forward is something most people fear of.
It's like jumping off a cliff with your eyes closed but with your heart wide open,
you'll never know what lies ahead..until you get there.

I was once standing on a cliff.
Seeing the great distance from up high, I got frightened
Scared of getting bruised.
Scared of the damage that it can forever engrave in my life.

People must be foolish for jumping off that cliff, I thought.
Don't they know that they could be making the greatest mistake of their lives?
Actually, they do.
They just choose to close their eyes on that truth because for them, it's better to feel the pain and agony than forever wonder what could've happened.

So here I am, wondering.
Just a few distance from the cliff, all I truly need is a little push from behind.
But sometimes, it's not really the push we need.
It's the assurance that someone out there is willing to catch our fall.

Did I found mine?  I'd like to think so.
I saw him and suddenly I got the adrenaline that I didn't know I'd been seeking.
It's funny how a person can make you see what you've been overlooking.
Your mind is blinded by terrifying possibilities that could happen..
that you forget how great it is to feel the wind blowing through your hair while diving.

But that's not really what's exciting -- it's what awaits you down there.
And so my heart has been blocked for a while and my eyes shut.
I opened it and there he was -- waiting.
I'm taking off the blindfold now.
And with an unlocked heart, yes, I'm ready to fall.

My heart speaks.

People come and go.
I, of all people, should know that.
Yet no matter how disheartened I am when people leave, I remain still.
Waiting and hoping for their return even if they never do.
With that, I have come to realize that when someone leaves, let them be..
for someone else is bound to arrive.

And then a bastard came.
A fool for love, I'd call him.
I've known him before but God! I never thought..
Never thought he'd flicker a light in my once dark lit universe,
Never thought he'd start an endless warp in my once straight life,
Never thought he'd make my once silenced heart sing again.

You know that feeling? When one day you look at a person and you see something more than you did the day before.
He was just a stranger. A schoolmate. A friend.
Then suddenly he's the only person who can ever imagine yourself with.

Yet no matter how much I wanted to take a step forward,
my fears would always pull me back.
And my biggest fear? That fear of being left behind once more,
which i know he will someday.

How can I endure that when all my life I've desired of a happy ever after?
So stop asking. Stop wondering. Stop thinking.
Coz the truth is -- I do. I want to. But I just can't.
Yet somehow, the fool made me say yes when I wanted to say no. 
I guess that makes me a fool too.

He's everything I'm not.
And no matter how visible that fact is, he still lingers.
No matter how many times I tell him to pick another choice, he still chooses me.
No matter how much I push him away coz we just can't be right now, he still stays.
What a bastard. What a fool.

Yes, he is a bastard.
He's maddening and he's stubborn and just plain bastard.
But he is a bastard who knows what he want and stick to his own guns to grasp what he yearns for.
He is an epitome that if you want something bad enough,
and if you're determined enough,
eventually, it can and will happen.

And that gives me so much hope.
That's what keeps me holding on to what I'm uncertain.
That's what makes me happy and silly and scared all at the same time.
But like I said, I wouldn't want it any other way.
Coz people may come and go, but his heart is off nowhere but here..with mine.

Let the truth sting.

"Doctors give patients a number of thing. We give them medicine, we give them advice, and most of the time, we give them our undivided attention. But, by far, the hardest thing you can give a patient is the truth. The truth is hard. The truth is awkward and very often the truth hurts. I mean, people think they want the truth. But do they really?"