Since 1990

"As we grow up, we learn that even the one person that wasn't suppose to ever let you down probably will. You will have your heart broken probably more than once and it's harder every time. You'll break hearts too, so remember how it felt when yours was broken. But never forget that there were also those times when everything -- I mean love, romance, relationships -- fell together perfectly. And it's those moments, no matter how depressing it ended, that make growing up worth it."

Happy 25th!

Bleeding Love

I know, ultimately, I won't win this fight. I am already so tired. I know one day it will take me. My heart will decide it is time to stop pumping its poisons through my veins. That will be the day that people will know, once and for all, that I wasn't as strong as they had thought. That will be the day that people will know that everytime they asked how I am, all the I'm-okay-lines are just lies. That will be the day that my heart would finally decide to bleed me dry.

Hamaswee

"Happy nth month. I know it's been hard us this past days. Arguments, less time for bonding, and separate priorities. But honestly, I've been trying to fill up what I have missed for both of us. I just wished what happened didn't change anything between us. Instead it would make us stronger just like our past experiences before. We used it as our motivation to make our relationship better instead of us getting apart. I don't ever want to lose you baby. I love you."

-- This shocked me a bit. Even you knew something was not right. I can't believe this was your last message.

I know I'm going to be okay.

Sure, it's easy to say that I'll eventually get over something that was so important. But it takes a lot more courage to actually do it. Now I know exactly how it feels; how it feels to cry in the shower so no one can hear you, wait for everyone to be asleep so you can fall apart, for everything to hurt so bad you just want it all to end.

But it's okay to relapse. It's okay to cry sometimes. It's okay to feel sad, angry and hurt. Because soon enough, the pain will go away. Don't bury it, don't run away from it. Feel the pain but don't wallow in it.

It will go away.

White Flag

And you know what, even if it was really his fault, the only person that I'm mad at is you. You have caused this war yourself and I see no one else losing but you.

So here's the thing.

I'm not the girl that many guys fall head over heels with. I'm not the girl that is drop-dread gorgeous. I'm not the girl who has had many boyfriends in her past. I'm not the girl who parties all night, flirting with thousands of guys. I'm not the girl who dresses for attention. I'm not the girl who loves in a heartbeat.

I am me. Which means right now, there's only you chasing after me. I'm the girl who only has one guy in her present. I'm the girl who will fall hard for you despite what other people see. I'm the girl who dresses for comfort even with the trends surrounding her. I am the girl who laughs superficially and loves deeply.

So if you're going to fall in love with me, it's only fair that you know who your falling in love with.

For the things left unsaid.

Just one deep breath. That's all I need to take it all in. You never did me wrong. You never betrayed nor cheated on me. So why am I the one weeping tonight? Probably because I know you never deserved any of it. All you did was love me with no boundaries. I, on the other hand, loved you with walls built between us. I wish I could take it all away. The things I've said. And the pain that comes with every uttered word. But the damage has been done, so I guess I'll be leaving. When I weep for you Prince, don't forget that I weep for me as well.