A little too late.

Last Christmas I only wished for two things: for him to miss me so badly, and for him to want me back with all his heart. I figured I've been a good girl all my life, so I deserve a wish come true on Christmas day. And hey, Santa did grant my wish. But he was a year too late.

Here you are telling me you miss me at the time when I have given up missing you. Of course you and I can't be together coz you clearly belong to someone else. But thanks for telling me you miss me, because you know what I felt when you said those words? Nothing. I expected butterflies..fireworks. But really, nothing came out. Not even a half smile. I can't even blurt out an "i miss you too" because that wouldn't be an honest answer. Because you know what I really miss? I miss the person that I was before I met you. The person whose happiness isn't dictated or dependent on any guy. So somehow, Santa made me realize that the things I have wished for in the past may not be the things I would still want in the future. Thanks Santa!

40 days away from you and counting.

Believe me, I want to make this work too. I don't want to sound like I'm complaining because I don't know what you're going through there..and I wish you'd tell me. Tell me how your day went. Tell me how your co-workers are treating you. Is the ocean being congenial? Are the nights getting colder? Please do tell because I have this empty gray matter wondering what you are going through..mulling why it sometimes take you quite sometime to communicate. Are the days getting busier?

I never gave you a guarantee that this'll end how we hoped it would be. All I gave you was a simple promise that I'm going to give it a try. So here I am, trying. And I pray to the good Lord that this are all worth it, because if not, I want to put an end to this already.

I miss you, Blogspot.

I know I haven't been blogging to you for the longest time. It's funny when I look at all my posts here and see how my old self was. You see, you have become a mirror reflecting the person that I was, the person I am, and the person that I'll be in the future. Nobody knows me better. And though I have 3 blogs and 1 social network account, you still have my loyalty. You know all my stories, and best of all, you know me. I have written you my dreams, my merriment, my heartaches. Someday I'll write you something significant again. Perhaps it'll be about the pains of being a pediatric nurse, or the rise and fall of a foolish writer..or maybe, it'll be about love again. Who knows? Crossing my fingers for that! I'll keep in touch. I promise.

Behind every face is a mask.

"She's hurt, mentally and emotionally. But every day, she walks with a smile on her face, because that's just who she is; the girl who never stopped smiling."

Nothing has killed me yet. Not even you.

"But I would lay my armor down, if you'd say you'd rather love than fight." --t.swift

A Letter To My Future Boyfriend

July 20, 2011

Hey you.

As I am writing you this letter, it has been 9 months since my first boyfriend and I broke up. I don't regret our lost love because if it hadn't ended, I would have not met you. In my past relationship, I hadn't been a perfect girlfriend. I had my fair share of tantrums. I get jealous. I get mean.

Forgive me, I am just a girl with sensitive needs and wants.

I'm okay if you're not perfect too. I will love all your faults because that's what makes you who you are. In fact, I will love you more because of it.

I won't say I'm a different person now. All I know is that I have improved over time. Time has healed the scars of my once tragic story and now I am ready to love again. I cannot promise you the world but I can give you something, something you have the power to break - my heart.

With you, I promise to love more and fear less. With you, I promise to neither care about the past nor the future, but rather, enjoy what we have at present. With you, I promise to give the utmost care I could give with no expectations in return. All I want is your heart in exchange of mine.

I may not know you yet, but I know you are out there. Perhaps I've seen you, but not know who you are. Perhaps you are here with me in this crowded room. Perhaps you are in a wrong relationship. I may not know you yet, but believe me when I tell you that I love you with all my heart.

Sincerely yours,

Princess j.

Can you keep a secret?

When I said I was thinking of breaking up with you, that was an invitation to fight for me. Not give up. Not tell me you don't love me anymore. Not break my heart. No, definitely not that.

Cheers to the new me.