Pardon my way of rekindling my blogspot. I know it has been a long (way long) time since my last post, and it seems improper of me to begin again with this impugning rant. As I opened my email account to search for the job opportunity that Aimee had recommended several months ago, I came across our exchange mails. I haven't deleted it since I'm lazy like that, and besides, it is already at the deepest part of my inbox that it can only be located if I search mails from ages ago (which I did today). I fought hard not to reread it, but it was almost impossible to beat the urge. It upsets me how everything went downhill between us. I know, I know, it was my decision to put a stop to the kind of relationship that we were going. I've already apologized for that. It felt to me that it was the right thing to do.
What truly fired up my rage is knowing that you got back with your ex-girlfriend. Yes. You know..the one you promised not to have an affair with, the girl who broke your heart, the reason for your every late night calls with me. I know I shouldn't be affected anymore as it is no longer my business who you choose to date. If it had been a different girl, then by all means go. I've asked you several times if you'd still want to get back with her, and your answer had always been a consistent no. What then made you change your mind now?
I have no right to meddle with your present love affair and I have no plans of going to, it's just...don't you know that getting back with her puts into question everything that has happened between us? I have this inkling that I was just a plan B of your plan A. That I was just a back up, a rebound for a love once lost. I have this fear within me that I was just a filler of the void in you. Was I?
Don't bother answering. I wouldn't want to know.
But heck, I've been through worse and you know well enough how I respond to this kind of situations. This'll just be one of my momentary wrath, I promise. You won't be a permanent scar in my life. No, I won't allow it.
I hate how you said words like you meant it, and made me believe it. But worst of all, I hate how I fell for it.
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