Today is my 23rd
birthday and I am writing you a letter. Perhaps you are wondering why. Here’s
an uncomplicated, trouble-free answer for that: I don’t want to turn 30 and ask
myself, “Why haven’t I?” I’ve decided
not to add this to the pile of regrets I’ll probably have in my 30’s. Besides,
I’ve been meaning to write you a letter for a long time but you know how busy I
am with irrelevant, futile things at the moment.
Before typing down my initial sentences,
I asked myself: what would be the first thing I would like to ask my 30 year
old self? For some reason, this query reminds me of the pageants you / we oh-so
promised never to join but ended up on stage anyway. Yeah, we’re foolish like
that. There are plenty of things I would want to know about particularly
matters a propos to career and
personal life, but ultimately, I want to ask you: “How have you been holding up?” I’ve been told that the 30s is a
crucial stage of balancing out life. You have to know when to party and when to
take things seriously. When I was in high school, I thought life in 20s will be
sweet, thrilling, and seamless. But it turns out not all candies have a
surprise center, and you wish you could warn yourself to stop sucking because there
is nothing in there to swallow. How I wish being 20 comes with a survival kit.
You are probably dubious as to
what this letter is all about. For now I can only tell you what it is not. It
is not a survival kit for your 30s. The rest is for you to figure out as you
read along the lines. This will probably be the longest letter you will ever
read in your life.
I assume that at this moment, you
have already met the man you plan on sharing your lifetime with. Thank heavens!
Is he everything you’ve always dreamed of? Growing up, the guys you want to
write love stories with are often fictional, which explains your lack of dating
experience. You are one tough shell to crack and you have these impossibly high
standards that real life guys might not actually have. But you believe
otherwise, don’t you? You think that if a fucked-up girl like Tiffany was able
to find Pat Peoples, you are going to have the same fate. You held hold on to
Jane Green’s words. That there’s a lid
for every cup, no matter how bent, misshapen, or ugly. If remembering the
words of your favorite authors have helped you find the love of your life right
now, then I’ve probably done something right in my 20s.
But if you ever find yourself
still single, fret not. You are probably
worried that you might never find someone who can meet your Augustus Waters standards - someone who’s
willing to sacrifice his last wish with “The Genies” to fulfill an insane dream
of meeting your all-time favorite author. Well you have to remember that Maricar
Reyes was in the same dilemma as you, but she got married anyways. On her
wedding interview she said, “You can set
your standards high and trust that God will give you that standard.” You
see, just have faith and remember that it’s better to be single than be in a
wrong relationship. For the meantime, enjoy your fascinating quest in finding
your better half.
Have you been keeping in shape
lately? When was the last time those running shoes have been worn? If you don’t
know the answer to that question, get your ass off that chair and run away.
Have you forgotten how freeing it feels to run outside with JT’s voice blasting
on your earphones? It was your favorite therapy. I hope you can contrast how heavy
you felt before you started running and how weightless you are afterwards.
Also, please don’t do things
half-heartedly. I can forgive myself for being fearful in my 20’s, but I cannot
do the same for you. Remember the quote that you would often repost in Tumblr? “Twenty years from now you’ll be more
disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the things you did.” So
get that bob cut you’ve been wanting to try, or color your hair ombre! Love
someone like a madman loves his opium. Cry miserably when you’re hurt. Run and
only stop when you’re fully exhausted. Express yourself in the boldest manner –
let go of your safe words. Curse if you must! Do me a favor right now and
listen to Sarah Bareilles’ Brave words.
How’s mom, by the way? I know we
don’t always get along right now; every day is a love-hate relationship. I
remember Rhiannon’s image about her mom,
“how no one can make you angrier, but how you can’t really love anyone more.”
It’s the perfect description! I hope you spend more time with her than I did.
Remember how you would opt to wake up at 9:00AM just to make sure that she
already left for work so you won’t have to hear her incessant wailing in the
morning? Stop that. You don’t want to wake up and find that she’s completely
gone.
As for dad, you are in-charge of
his health. I expect his stubbornness to worsen as he ages so please be
patient. He may be far from Ned Stark, but he loved us the best way he knew
how. Give him the greatest gift a father could ever receive from his daughter
by asking him to walk you down the aisle.
Career-wise, I don’t have much to
say in this facet. I am already struggling with which path to pursue at the
moment. Each turn seems to lead to a cul-de-sac, and I fear I may never find
the way back. I wish that it’s you who’s writing me a letter right now, telling
me to let go of the woes because everything I dreamed of doing transpired in
finality. But since it’s the other way around, let me just say I hope you are
genuinely happy with your career choice. And if you find you are not, don’t be
afraid to start all over again. Remember your journey with Santiago where you
learned, “When you want something the
entire universe conspires in helping you achieve it.” Try showing the world
how much you want a career-change and it might just be freely handed to you. Go seek your great perhaps just as what Alaska did.
Viel glück my future self! Enjoy
the ride.
Sincerely yours,
23.
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